Thursday, October 03, 2013


Here I am! I am alive, I swear! :)

I am up about 8-9 lbs. since July, when I was down to 190 lbs. :( I know what I need to do, it's my food and I need to get focused and back on track.

HOWEVER!! I am getting married in 8 days, craziness! Been planning this for over a year now and it's finally here, it's been a tad stressful, but here we are. I'm still working on some details (mostly the honeymoon), but otherwise, let's roll! I can't wait to marry the love of my life, dance the night away, see close friends/family in one area celebrating us and then head off to Italy for 2 weeks the next evening. Can't wait!!

That is really all for now. Just busy busy as work, it's stressful there too though, they've laid off 14 people on the other side of things (I happen to not be involved in this particular area, but man, it sucks).

Off to go watch some shows tonight and relax. Tomorrow is Friday. Gym again after work tomorrow for some zumba, then home for some weights/strength training. I have a feeling this weekend is going to be busy, as well as next week. Ahhh!


Friday, August 30, 2013

Hello again

I am a bad bad blogger. Just realized that I haven't blogged since June 17th and so much has been going on. *sigh*

I have been incredibly busy at work, which is fine by me. I don't like the fact that I only have 1 full day left to use for the rest of the year. Stupid me for using them all up in the first half, minus the 12 days I'm taking for our honeymoon. I could have used a few days off in the past couple weeks, it's been super stressful, mentally and physically.

Weight wise, not much going on. I have been under 200 and in the 190's since February. I was down to 190.2 for about a week or two. Now I have been floating between 194-197 since. So frustrating and I wish I could stop focusing so much on the number, but I just can't. I feel better, yes, but I know my eating habits could be so much better. I go for a check up next Friday, the 6th, so I might get a teeny tiny fill back in (like .1 or .2). We'll see. My exercise is excellent and I love it, need I say more? I would never have guessed that I would have loved being so active, even if it's just a simple 2-3 mile walk, like tonight.

THE wedding. Why yes, it's fast approaching (October 12th!!!). Almost a month away, 6 weeks from tomorrow. I can't believe it!! I picked up our marriage license today, yay! I can officially get married now, haha. Had some family drama about 2-3 weeks ago which started a good 2-3 absolutely crazy time for me. About 2-3 days after that drama, I found a lump in my right breast, saw my Dr. the next day. I then scheduled a mammo/ultrasound for the following Tuesday. From the ultrasound, they pretty much said it was 2 small fibroadenomas, I could either wait 2 years to see 'if' it changes or get a biopsy. So, I got the biopsy, this past Monday and I got the results yesterday, BENIGN!! WHEW! HUGE weight lifted from my life right now.

Then we found out the chair covers we were supposed to borrow were sold (by a friend of a friend), how nice right? So tomorrow we are driving to Lebanon (courtesy of my awesome mom) to pick up ones she found on Craigslist. Hopefully they aren't completely terrible.

Pretty much all the big stuff is done/ready/paid off. We just owe the photographer half the money (what was left). We owe part of the limo yet and of course, the food. We're still getting RSVP's in, got 7 today, but still missing quite a bit, hoping more come next week (I gave a deadline of September 7th).

And to continue with the weight part, I had my first dress fitting the day I found my breast lump, should have just cancelled, but I didn't. I put it on, it fit, zipped, etc. BUT it felt a teensy bit tight across my lower hips/stomach. My worst freaking area that I HATE and all my weight seems to congregate there. :( I pretty much freaked out and was depressed for the whole fitting. I didn't have good underwear on, so I invested in some spanx from Kohl's this past weekend, so hopefully that will help suck a teeny bit in and smooth things out. I would KILL for a tummy tuck and arm/thigh lift. :( If only...

The honeymoon is coming along quite well. We are heading to Italy for 2 weeks and I couldn't be more excited about it. I never thought I would ever make it back, so I am beyond excited to experience it all over again, but with more respect and with my love. :D We have a Traveler's Joy honeymoon registry, which is pretty damn cool. I can choose pre-determined things they have on their site or add my own. I did a few of each and we already got 2 gifts, yay!

Not much else going on in my life, just working and planning this crazy wedding lol. I just want to enjoy myself and have a good time with my closest peeps.

I miss blogging, I need to keep up with this.


Monday, June 17, 2013

Self sabotage

I am so ashamed, depressed, disgusted, etc. etc. It's been a really tough 3-4 weeks. Work has been crazy busy and stressful. I ate really bad for about 2 weeks at work, pizza, cake, chocolates, sodas, chips, bagels, etc. I kept telling myself not to, yet I did, over and over, every single day. Just looked on here and saw I was at 190.2, how sad. :( As of my weigh in yesterday, I'm 194. I was even higher, around 195.6.

I've broken down multiple times in the past week, just getting so overwhelmed lately. I have been doing much better for the past week, so I feel a bit better.

I'm just so upset with myself for letting myself go. I'm the maid of honor in my bestie's wedding this Saturday, so I was worried about that, but thank god I still fit in the dress, with about 1/2-1 in take in too. But then, last Friday my mom took me shopping and it was absolutely horrendous. I was able to order my long line bra for my wedding dress and a strapless bra for the wedding I'm in this week. BUT we went to Ross and Kohl's and could not find shit. I probably tried on like 30-40 items. I got 2 new pairs of work out pants, that's it. I'm like in between a 14 and 16. Grrr!

I'm so frustrated and really depressed, which is so unlike me. I have an appointment on July 5th at 1pm, and I plan on getting part of my fill put back in. He took out 3/4 of a CC, but it was just enough that I can eat a cup or more at a time and I get hungry like 2 hours after, sometimes sooner! Insane!! I want at least 1/4 put back in, just hoping it doesn't cause issues again...*sigh*


Sunday, May 12, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week:194.4
Weight Today:190.2
Weight loss this Week: - 4.2 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 79.4 lbs.
I have absolutely NO idea how I lost 4.2 lbs, but I'll roll with it. So weird. I am moving a lot more at work, so that would be part of it, but I only made it to the gym 2-3x last week, took a walk last night. I'm just going to go with it and keep up the good eating, chewing, etc. I am still getting stuck a bit and pb'ing sometimes every day, so I'm going to watch it very closely this week. I think it's my impending period, allergies, weather, but not sure. Or just me. :/ I just don't want to screw this up and I was already through a upper gi/endoscopy in March, so I need to work on this myself.
Got some new clothes and a new bathing suit (a bikini!!!) on Friday with my mom at Target. All clothes came from the normal size section, NO plus sizes at all, didn't even look. Most were XL from the normal section.  Yay!


Monday, May 06, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week:196
Weight Today:194.4
Weight loss this Week: - 1.6 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 75.2 lbs
Yay! Continuing downwards. I'm a bit confused though, eating was not anywhere near perfect last week and I only officially worked out 2 days, so it's weird to me. But it's a huge motivation and I can't wait to see the 180's now!

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Belated Weigh In Day

Weight last week:196.4
Weight Today:196
Weight loss this Week: - .4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 73.6 lbs

I forgot to post this on Sunday. I started my part time job at the flea market from 7-2, and then was busy afterwards. 

I just can't wait to keep moving down and down. I know my eating could be better, it's def. not at it's best lately. I have been indulging a bit too much on the sweets side. Today I had my interview for a promotion within and was super nervous, in return, ate a shit ton of tootsie rolls (one of my faves!). Ugh! Then I proceeded to have a piece of snickers cheesecake. I also had my lunch (leftovers from dinner the night before). Blah blah blah. 

I had some of my pain last night from the bile reflux, grrr! It lasted about 2-3 hours, so I skipped dinner and had an atkins shake instead. And ice cream for a snack. 

I also haven't exercised as much as I would have liked this week either, all kinds of crap and interruptions going on. Tomorrow I plan on going hard, hitting up a pyo class at another Y. Friday isn't looking good either, probably going to a happy hour for a guy at work whose last day it is. Grr! I will get my ass out of bed on Saturday for some 9am zumba and then it's off to my bestie's bridal shower! :) 


Tuesday, April 23, 2013


Fitting into some size 14's is pretty amazing.

My size 7 engagement ring and wedding band is now getting sized down to a 5!!! Craziness!!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week:196.4
Weight Today:196.4
Weight loss this Week: - 0
Weight Loss Total: 73.2 lbs

:( Didn't lose anything. But I also didn't gain, so that's a win in my book.  I didn't exercise as much as I wanted to last week, so I'm pretty sure that's what did it. 

Just got back from a baby shower, where I didn't exactly eat the best. :/ Tomorrow is a new start. I will be doing yoga at work, then I plan on hitting up zumba at 5:30. :)  

Not much else going on, I have my follow up on Friday, May 3rd with the surgeon. This will be a follow up from when he put me on the protonix and reglan (which I no longer take b/c of a rash). I did have some awful pain this past Thursday (same exact area/kind of pain) for about 8 hours. It was pretty bad. But I suffered through it, so I'm not sure why that happened. :(

Well, off to go revamp my resume and cover letter for a job opening at my work. Wish me luck!!


Sunday, April 14, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week:197.8
Weight Today:196.4
Weight loss this Week: - 1.4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 73.2 lbs.
I've been going up and down for a few weeks now and finally have a loss again, yay! I know what I did right and I know what I did wrong or didn't do at all some days. Moving forward. I can't stop thinking about getting to and savoring the 180's, the 170's, the 160's, the 150's!!! It's on my mind ALL the time. I'm going to keep pushing myself and fighting this awfulness. 
There are some days I see myself and love what I see, and then other days I HATE what I see, feel like I haven't done a lot, etc. I hate these back and forth feelings and visions. I see myself so differently some days. Weird.
It's Sunday already and I hate that, but it is what it is. I got a part time job working at a Flea Market at one of the concession stands making food, etc. It pays well and it's only Sundays. And I may be going back to babysitting soon too to cover my gym costs, not sure yet. Don't want to get overwhelmed again.
That is all for now, ciao!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Just a quickie update...

Had my follow up appointment with the surgeon almost 2 weeks ago, nothing is wrong with my band, just some bile reflux and I had some food above my band in the Upper GI series (some 10 hours later). Weird. He prescribed Protonix (generic) and Reglan (generic). I started both of those that following day.

All was well until the following Wednesday (last week) when my poor ears were swollen, red, itchy and bumpy. Awful! I had allergy injections that evening, so I said something to them and they shot me up with some cortisone, it game me some relief Fri/Sat, but that was about it. My rash was now gone on my ears (thank god!), BUT it was now down my back, on my neck/jaw and cheeks. Awful. I finally thought, maybe it's one of the new pills I started. So, I called the surgeon's office and spoke to the nurse, she then spoke with the on site surgeon and he advised it sounded like the Reglan reaction, so I've been off Reglan since Tuesday morning (it was 3x a day before meals). I still have some itchies every now and then, but it does generally seem to slowly be getting better and easier to deal with. I was also having crazy ass dreams and waking up between 2am-4am every single night since. And then taking forever to get back to sleep. I started taking a benadryl before bed this past week. So far, so good, still waking up though.

I'm starting a new work project tomorrow, I will be working at our other office in Mechanicsburg, rather than New Cumberland 3 days a week. It will be nice to do something different and challenging and learn something new. Plus it's super close to our apartment, a straight shot out the one road. Yay for that!

I haven't really lost much weight, kind of been bouncing between 197.8-200. Irritating, but I'm working on it. I did have a .3 taken out when I was having issues, but I got .2 put back in and it's definitely a huge difference. Still working on things, still getting stuck occasionally, which I hate and I really need to focus on my soft stop and stop eating when this happens. 

That's all for now, time to work on the bridal shower some more...

Monday, March 25, 2013

ChrissyAi: ChrissyAi's 1 Year Blogiversary Giveaway!

ChrissyAi: ChrissyAi's 1 Year Blogiversary Giveaway!: Hello, lovelies! I have a very exciting giveaway to celebrate one year since I have been blogging. I can honestly say that time ha...

Friday, March 22, 2013


I had my Upper GI yesterday. Went pretty well from what I could gather. I got to see a bit of the fluid go through my band, which was neat. The tech said it was functioning well from he could see, but ultimately, it would be up to the surgeon to make that decision. He did see some leftover food debris from when I ate cereal the night before, but not after midmight, it was around 10pm. Weird. But he said they could have my band tightened like that, but that seemed odd to me, we'll see. But he saw no obstructions, so that's good. Plus, I truly believe it's NOT my band, but I'm also not positive, I'm still quite nervous about it and was tearing up about it yesterday. I'm not ready to have anything happen, I'm not ready. I felt very compelled to just cry. I need to start making better food choices, protein first ALL the time, not drinking with meals, etc. I'm still losing, not necessarily every week, but losing nonetheless. I'm down to 197.8 as of last Sunday, hopefully a little more this Sunday.

Not much else going on, just planning for my bestie's bridal shower and still working on my own wedding as well. We have cake tasting next Saturday!! (aaaah! lol). Our candy buffet (favors) is under way. Working on getting some appointments set up for our mentoring (Catholic and I'm not), still working on my brooch bouquet, hoping to buy and send out save the date's in April, put our pic/info in the newspaper in April/May, hoping to meet up with the Legion's organizer in a month or so, give or take. A lot of stuff going on and picking up. :) Exciting, but nerve wracking as well.

I'm at work, so I'm going to hop off now. Ciao!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week:199
Weight Today:197.8
Weight loss this Week: - 1.2 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 73 lbs
Woo hoo! I gained a pound back last week. Ever since that .3 unfill, I've been ravenous! :( 
I had my EGD last Wednesday, all went well. He said he saw some bile reflux, but I was still pretty out of it. My fiance and I both are pretty sure he wanted an Upper GI done before I see him in 2 weeks, but I never got a script for it. I then called the office Thurs/Fri and they were texting him to see what he wanted done. So confused! 
Got a new car last Wednesday as well, seeing as my 1998 VW Beetle is done for. Here's a pic of me and my new lovely:

Sunday, March 03, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week:198
Weight Today:198
Weight loss this Week: - 0
Weight Loss Total: 71.8 lbs.
No big deal. I know what I gotta do. Last week = too many sweets and not enough exercise. 
I've been having some stomach issues for the past 3 weeks. On and off. Making sure it's not my band. Dr. Rosenberger (surgeon I saw this past Friday) doesn't seem to think so, but we're doing an EGD on March 13th to check. And then a check up on March 22nd. Also, he put me on Protonix for right now. I haven't had time to fill it yet, but I will drop it off tomorrow at the gym. He also took a .3 unfill out. I already feel a ton better, no pb'ing and no indigestion since.

On another note, my car had some issues this past Wednesday and it proceeded to be my transmission went out. Craziness. Basically, my car is only worth about $1,700 in great shape, the dealer wants $4,400 for it and this VW guy MAY have one for roughly $1,500. Yeah, no thanks. 

So, I am now borrowing my dad's car (1992 Ford Taurus), ugh! But it's much better than having to rely on others and messing up my gym schedule. So, I am now independent again. BUT this really puts a damper on things right now. I now have to find another car. My mom works for Maguire's Ford, so she has their top salesman looking for me. I found about 12 on their site, so she's checking tomorrow to see what type of pricing (her discount) she can get for me. *sigh* Really didn't want a car payment right now, but oh well, shit happens.

Still planning our wedding and still planning on our 2 week honeymoon to Italy. :) Staying positive one day at a time.


Monday, February 25, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week:199.6
Weight Today:198
Weight loss this Week: - 1.6 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 71.8 lbs.
Woo hoo! Movin' right along and LOVING it. 
Just got home from working 4 hours at Bath & Body Works, so of course, I'm awake right now. Just had a yummy skinny cow chocolate ice cream cup. Mmm! Still way under for calories. :)
I am pretty sore now from working those 4 hours and from that hour of a pretty intense zumba earlier.
Back to work tomorrow, booooo! Hopefully hitting up some more zumba tomorrow as well. 
Well, that is all for now.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Weigh In Day/Onederland!!!

Weight last week: 200.6
Weight Today:199.6
Weight loss this Week: - 1 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 70.2 lbs
WOO HOO! I'm in onederland baby!!  

Finally,  a long time coming and can't wait to see the number keep going down, down, down. I'm now about 50-60 lbs. from goals, feels amazing!! 

I've been getting crazy migraines mixed with nausea, dizziness, pressure. Pretty sure they're related to my sinus issues, maybe even a deviated septum. Who knows. I was down and out from Thursday evening until Saturday. I slept soooo much. The past 2 days have been going well (knock on wood), I'm hoping tomorrow is good too, b/c I need to get back to the gym on a regular basis and back to babysitting on Wednesday evenings. 
I've been tight with the band for a few days on and off too. But today is worse, been PB'ing way too much, so I'm taking it easy right now.

Not much else going on, just watching tv the rest of today and relaxing.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week: 202.2
Weight Today: 200.6
Weight loss this Week: - 1.6 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 69.2 lbs
Woo hoo! Onederland is soooooooo damn close now! This is MAJOR motivation for the week ahead. I got this!!
That is all. Bout to go finish watching The Walking Dead marathon. Ciao!

Friday, February 08, 2013


I'm Megan and I ate a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet. That's right, all 1,000 calories of it. Blah! I let me emotions/feelings get the best of me and wasn't paying attention and just sat there and ate the whole entire container. It's NOT okay, but I'm going to move on and do better today. I deserve better. I had a lapse in judgement and I will not buy again.


Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Rough day...

Having a very rough go at it today. I really do not know when this started, but I'm feeling really down right now. I think it started when I started not feeling well. I don't get sick too often anymore, so I guess that really brings me down. I don't know, it's work too, for sure. I'm starting to really not like working there anymore, I hate the work, I hate some of the people, I hate the drama, the gossip, the nitpicking, the professionalism, etc. I was told something I did today was a "no-no", I think that might have been the push me over the edge point. I lost it internally. I hate confrontation, so I just internalized it. I actually was close to crying today, the tears were in my eyes, that rarely happens anymore...

I'm in a funk, for sure. Went a bit overboard with food today too, not crazy bad, but bad enough. Luckily, I did yoga at lunch time and that helped a bit. I was supposed to go babysit at the Y tonight, but I didn't, I was absolutely down and out by the time 4:15 rolled around, mentally and physically not good.

So, here I am. I wasn't sure I was going to write a post tonight, but I couldn't keep it in anymore. I feel so shameful sometimes, if I'm not on my best, if I'm not working out or eating perfectly. I know there's room for error/mistakes/learning new things, but I get so down on myself, but thankfully, I can easily pick myself back up tomorrow. It's a new day and that's just what I will do.

When things get hard, I notice I tend to start having doubts about other areas in life, or regretting things. Such as school (or lack of), money (or lack of), job, weight, etc. etc.

I got this. I'm going to keep working hard, fighting my inner demons, moving forward, looking forward to an awesome future filled with love, hope, happiness, ups/downs, laughter, tears, and the list goes on.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week: 203.2
Weight Today: 202.2
Weight loss this Week: - 1 lb
Weight Loss Total: 67.6 lbs
Loving it! Although I feel like I don't deserve it, I ate awful last week on about 4 out of 7 days. :( 
But I'll take it and run with it this week to get even closer to 199!!! Ah!
Not much else going on. Not looking forward to the crap weather coming tomorrow, blah! I'm so ready for Spring, bring it on!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Weigh In Day

Weight last week: 203.8
Weight Today: 203.2
Weight loss this Week: - .6 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 66.6 lbs
On a side note: Got my wedding dress yesterday, in a size 16 and I can't wait to get it in April and see how much more I've lost. Loving life right now! 
Not really looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, boo!
Bout to eat some Buffalo Wild Wings (parmesan garlic), yummo! Watch a little football, then time for Once Upon a Time. 
Ciao, for now!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Loving life right now, smiling, laughing, eating better, watching my snacking, working out like a beast. LOVE it! Life is busy, but good.

Just got done doing our weekly yoga at work for lunch, love it! I feel so amazing afterwards.

I've had some awesome NSV's lately, just haven't really posted about them yet. Last Saturday, I met up with my maid of honor and her bridesmaids for bridemaids dress shopping. We all ended up trying on the first dress and loving them. Sweet! BUT, I first grabbed an 18 because the lady said grab the size of your pants, so that's what I did, althought some 18's are loose, some are still tight, you never know. However, it was a bit loose. I was able to get on the 16 and it fit and looked fabulous! I had my mom and my MOH almost in tears. I felt so amazing, but a very unreal moment for me, I don't quite feel it yet, but it was an amazing moment. It's definitely motivation to keep doing my best, working hard and living life to the fullest.

I've been getting compliments left and right at the gym from either random people in zumba and zumba instructors to even more random people in the weights area. I love it, I just smile and say thank you.

The scale is moving again and I LOVE it. I'm so close to 199 and onederland, I'm getting very anxious about it, so I don't want to screw it up, so I really have to stayed focused from here on out and keep pushing and testing my limits. :)


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Sunday, January 13, 2013



Woo! Eating better and really watching my snacking last week paid off. I was at 206.6 last Sunday, so that's a 2.8 lbs. Yeah buddy!

'Nough said.

Working at Bath & Body Works tonight from 8-midnight, also worked the same last night and it kicked my ass, hopefully tonight won't be as bad. Except last night ended up working until 1:30am, that can't happen tonight b/c I have to get up for my full time at 6:30. Blah!

Ready for a new week, can't wait to keep up this weight loss and eating better and get to 199!!


Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Keep trucking along...

I feel much  better lately, mindset is back and it's strong! I realized I won't get anywhere fast still eating tons of sweets and making stupid decisions. One day a time. I've been feeling super motivated and loving it!

Been staying  under calories of 1200 for the past few days. I feel better already, packing my lunches as much as I can without getting bored of the same thing over and over. I made my fave chili this past Sunday (Chicken taco chili from the skinnytaste site), so that's lunch this week. I also have some really tasty hot and spicy Guss pickles for snacking (4-5 slices for 5 cals). I've been bringing my blender bottle with my Big Train Spiced Chai Latte protein powder to work (70 cals, 10p for 8 oz of water), I carry around Muscle Milk light protein bars (170 cals/15p), trying to stay away from sodas (even diet, but having one right now for some caffiene), trying to keep things simple and follow rules.

Exercise has been fantastic! Been zumba-ing all the time as usual (mostly on Tues/Thurs/Fri and sometimes the weekends) and at home (I got Zumba Core for the Xbox for xmas and I love it!), I did a new kettlebell workout dvd from Bob Harper last week, whew! Talk about soreness and feeling it! I couldn't walk right for about 6 days, haha! Good stuff. I took last week off from my Couch 2 5k program because my left knee/right groin were bothering me on my last run of Week 4 the week before. I got back at it last night for Week 5, Day 1, success! Felt pretty good and no knee or groin issues to report. :D However, the next run is a little intimidating, but I will try and if not, I will just do Day 1 over until I feel super comfortable, no shame in that. Starting Yoga at work tomorrow, super pumped about this! It's every Wednesday from 12-1, so very excited to get my zen on! Tonight = weights and zumba. I def. need to continue to build on some lean muscle, I've been slacking in that dept and not happy about it.

Not sure if I mentioned this before, but I had a fill I believe on October 17, 2012 of half a CC. Well, within 2 weeks, I was sick every single day, pretty much every meal, no matter what it was. I called to get an unfill and I got .25 out. I've been fine since, but I really haven't lost. I've been fluctuating between 205.6 and 209.2 (or something like that) since. I'm not sure what to make of this plateau, I won't lie, I've been super frustrated about, especially with the holidays, I did not do as well as I would have liked. My last weigh in was the 205 one and I weighed this past Sunday at 206.6. 1lb. gain, not as bad as I thought. I can maintain, huh? lol. Now I just need to see Onederland and get even more motivated, bring it on!! Maybe a VERY small fill on my appointment on January 23rd, maybe...

Til next time...