Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Confindence.

Tomorrow is the day! I go in at 9 am to see my HOT surgeon, Dr. Davidson. He will be doing my first fill for me, I'm so anxious and nervous and excited. I'm taking a half day and not going into work until 12:15, yay! I really don't know what to expect, so we'll see tomorrow.

And non weight loss related...I want to go back to college. I currently have an AA in Humanities, Language and the Arts from HACC (took me 6 years to get). I'm not good with tests and my focus/motivation/determination was lacking for most of those year. I now regret not continuing on to a bachelor program. I've been feeling like I want to move on. I've always been interested in writing (all types); but I honestly believe I lacked the confidence to achieve my goals back then.  I was told in my final writing/reporting class that I was "inconsistent". That really stuck with me and bothered me, and still does. I feel like I am more than just a Secretary II at an insurance company. I don't believe it to be my career. There's a possible opportunity (again) to get a position they call "Claims Trainee". I interviewed before, but got beat out by someone most of us can't stand. Oh well. They haven't opened it back up yet, but I honestly don't think I want it now. It's a lot more work and I want to be able to focus on something else I enjoy. It also pays more and yes, in the low/middle class society, money talks.

Then comes my fears. I fear that I will pay all this additional money (aka loans) which I'm sure we'll be paying FOREVER. I fear that I won't ever get my "dream" job. I want to write for a newspaper/magazine/newsletter, even if just freelance/part-time right now. I've tried applying places for the experience, but everyone wants a bachelor's degree. It frustrates me. :(

Central Penn College has a transfer program with HACC from my AA degree to a BA degree called "Corporate Communications". Description of Degree.

I really want to do it, but for some reason, I'm scared to take that step. It would all be online, which is great for me, I did great with online courses at HACC and it wouldn't interfere with work. I'm just afraid I'll lose sight or get side tracked between work, school, wedding planning and my new "lifestyle". I really want to do it, but I'm torn. I don't want to feel "stuck" anymore.

I asked for information and a counselor called me the same day. Ahh! I want to do this, just nervous. I believe it all stems from my lack of self-esteem. I never really put myself out there and I suffered for it. :/


5 comments:

  1. Megan, you have to go for your dreams. Think about your new tat and what it says.

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  2. I work in education - and let me tell you the same thing i tell all my students - there are MANY things in life you WILL regret, but getting and education will NEVER be one of them! you have to view it as an investment in yourself!

    what i would suggest is you start out with a small course load, you don't want to over do it your first term and set yourself up for failure. my university offers a 5 week "trial" period for you to utilize to make sure you DEFINITELY made the right decision with the college AND degree. and if you don't stay, you don't pay! try and find a university that offers something like that, that way you have what i call a "insurance policy", so you're not putting so much out there on the line to start out with.

    Good Luck!!

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  3. I agree with the others. If this is something you REALLY want to do, then go for it! I tried going back to school several times but I know my heart wasn't in it. I wasn't doing it for me...I was doing it because I thought I had to. Just make sure you go back for the right reasons. Also, take Trish's advice and start small. You can do anything you put your mind to. Good luck!

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  4. If it sometime you want to do than I say go for it. At least you do have a dream to move towards, I'm still trying to work mine out :o)

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