Saturday, February 26, 2011

I could scream!

Friday was my first meeting for the Lose 10 in 10 program through work/Highamark. The day before that was my consultation for Lap Band surgery. I was completely overwhelmed by the time 5 o'clock came around and it was time to leave work on Friday. Awful. I thought for sure I was going to breakdown at any moment. I find myself beyond frustrated over nutrition/food. Count this, measure that, 1 oz this, 3 oz that, looks like this, don't eat that, chew slower, don't gulp, eat this, but not too much, use smaller plates/silverware, put your fork down after each bite, your plate should consist of the following. UUUUGH!

My brain physically hurts from so much thinking. I log my daily food intake/exercise on my iPod (myfitnesspal), and now I have to log it into my food journal for the Lose 10 in 10 program. I'm not giving up anymore. I can't continue on this unhealthy path or up and down weight and making excuses. My Dr. has definitely cleared me for  exercise, so no more excuses. It's mainly the food part that is getting to me. I'm on every day, several times a day, just reading and reading everyone's experience's, especially what their eating. It's truly helpful. For example, this morning for breakfast I had 1 egg, 1 piece of whole wheat toast (nothing on it), an apple and a myoplex lite vanilla protein drink. I think it's pretty good. Then we went to Perkin's for dinner around 6:30, I thought I was being good by choosing the grilled salmon with carrots and citrus rice. RIIIIIGHT. I came home and checked, the meal (without the rice) was 930 cals!!!! Fuck! Then I had Brian take me to Bruster's to get a small dish of ice cream (ended up getting one scoop of cake batter), god knows how much that added on, guess I shall check on that now too. I'm just frustrated, I feel like I can't go out and enjoy food anymore, it's all bad, if it's low cal, it's high sodium/sugar/ect. It's ridiculous. I definitely need some better options, choices, something.

Took some before pictures tonight to put on the site (not this!), clothed and panties/bra only. I look how I thought I would look, so I suppose that's good that I don't have some unrealistic image of myself. Here's to a new outlook on life. The gym will be my best friend, along with being outside and active once it's nice and food and I will learn to get along...someday.

Done with this, for now. Til next time.

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