Wednesday, August 18, 2010

And only you can choose your fate.

That's a lyric from "Suddenly" by BT. Love it.

Things are good, no great. I feel better than ever, I have a new sense of motivation and accomplishment in mind. I've been to the gym the last 3 days, tomorrow is number four. 

I'm done being negative, yes, even if other's are being negative to me, I'm done being negative back. Try it sometime, it's a great feeling. 

I just remembered watching a movie called "I heart huckabees" a few years ago with my mom. She hated it, she said it was confusing. It was about existentialism; it made me realize I am somewhat a existentialist.  It deals mainly with finding ones self and the meaning of life through free will, choice and personal responsibility. It also believes that a person should be forced to choose and be responsible without the help of laws, ethnic rules, or traditions. I love it! It's everything and more of how I've been living for so long. 

We shouldn't be ashamed of who we are inside. That is truly what matters, treating people with respect (when deserved of course), treating yourself with respect, and no matter how complex you feel you are, everyone is VERY similar. I feel we all have the same exact insecurities, worries, fears and goals. Those change daily of course and on a more personal level, but in general, we all have the same goals in mind; to live a full life.

I don't want to "hate" people anymore, I don't want to yell and cuss when it's completely unnecessary, I don't want to get mad or upset when someone (anyone) says something discouraging to me, in fact, I refuse to be any of these anymore no matter how hard I have to work, the drive is there now, full force, full circle. 

I still have certain anxieties, and I still believe some of those are all in my head and will take a lot of will power and strength to get beyond. I'm done with the minuscule bullshit of life. Oh you said this, no you said that on this day, ect ect. I don't tolerate liars, fakes and whiny bitches, that will never change. But I can change how I react to those types and ignore them. So be it. 

New poem:

Peace of mind

I've arranged a peace of mind
Willing, standing, on my own
No one and nobody
Can change this

Stepped up
Stepped down
I know who I am
I fight against nothing
But myself

A sense of relief
Of calm
A warm bath
Glass of wine

Battles will come
And go
I know
But this is me
And I'm living
and breathing
Fresh air, anew

No one, and nobody
Can change this
Except me.

Ciao! Until next time...

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