Having a very rough go at it today. I really do not know when this started, but I'm feeling really down right now. I think it started when I started not feeling well. I don't get sick too often anymore, so I guess that really brings me down. I don't know, it's work too, for sure. I'm starting to really not like working there anymore, I hate the work, I hate some of the people, I hate the drama, the gossip, the nitpicking, the professionalism, etc. I was told something I did today was a "no-no", I think that might have been the push me over the edge point. I lost it internally. I hate confrontation, so I just internalized it. I actually was close to crying today, the tears were in my eyes, that rarely happens anymore...
I'm in a funk, for sure. Went a bit overboard with food today too, not crazy bad, but bad enough. Luckily, I did yoga at lunch time and that helped a bit. I was supposed to go babysit at the Y tonight, but I didn't, I was absolutely down and out by the time 4:15 rolled around, mentally and physically not good.
So, here I am. I wasn't sure I was going to write a post tonight, but I couldn't keep it in anymore. I feel so shameful sometimes, if I'm not on my best, if I'm not working out or eating perfectly. I know there's room for error/mistakes/learning new things, but I get so down on myself, but thankfully, I can easily pick myself back up tomorrow. It's a new day and that's just what I will do.
When things get hard, I notice I tend to start having doubts about other areas in life, or regretting things. Such as school (or lack of), money (or lack of), job, weight, etc. etc.
I got this. I'm going to keep working hard, fighting my inner demons, moving forward, looking forward to an awesome future filled with love, hope, happiness, ups/downs, laughter, tears, and the list goes on.
