Update

Here I am! I am alive, I swear! :)

I am up about 8-9 lbs. since July, when I was down to 190 lbs. :( I know what I need to do, it's my food and I need to get focused and back on track.

HOWEVER!! I am getting married in 8 days, craziness! Been planning this for over a year now and it's finally here, it's been a tad stressful, but here we are. I'm still working on some details (mostly the honeymoon), but otherwise, let's roll! I can't wait to marry the love of my life, dance the night away, see close friends/family in one area celebrating us and then head off to Italy for 2 weeks the next evening. Can't wait!!

That is really all for now. Just busy busy as work, it's stressful there too though, they've laid off 14 people on the other side of things (I happen to not be involved in this particular area, but man, it sucks).

Off to go watch some shows tonight and relax. Tomorrow is Friday. Gym again after work tomorrow for some zumba, then home for some weights/strength training. I have a feeling this weekend is going to be busy, as well as next week. Ahhh!

Ciao!

Hello again

I am a bad bad blogger. Just realized that I haven't blogged since June 17th and so much has been going on. *sigh*

I have been incredibly busy at work, which is fine by me. I don't like the fact that I only have 1 full day left to use for the rest of the year. Stupid me for using them all up in the first half, minus the 12 days I'm taking for our honeymoon. I could have used a few days off in the past couple weeks, it's been super stressful, mentally and physically.

Weight wise, not much going on. I have been under 200 and in the 190's since February. I was down to 190.2 for about a week or two. Now I have been floating between 194-197 since. So frustrating and I wish I could stop focusing so much on the number, but I just can't. I feel better, yes, but I know my eating habits could be so much better. I go for a check up next Friday, the 6th, so I might get a teeny tiny fill back in (like .1 or .2). We'll see. My exercise is excellent and I love it, need I say more? I would never have guessed that I would have loved being so active, even if it's just a simple 2-3 mile walk, like tonight.

THE wedding. Why yes, it's fast approaching (October 12th!!!). Almost a month away, 6 weeks from tomorrow. I can't believe it!! I picked up our marriage license today, yay! I can officially get married now, haha. Had some family drama about 2-3 weeks ago which started a good 2-3 absolutely crazy time for me. About 2-3 days after that drama, I found a lump in my right breast, saw my Dr. the next day. I then scheduled a mammo/ultrasound for the following Tuesday. From the ultrasound, they pretty much said it was 2 small fibroadenomas, I could either wait 2 years to see 'if' it changes or get a biopsy. So, I got the biopsy, this past Monday and I got the results yesterday, BENIGN!! WHEW! HUGE weight lifted from my life right now.

Then we found out the chair covers we were supposed to borrow were sold (by a friend of a friend), how nice right? So tomorrow we are driving to Lebanon (courtesy of my awesome mom) to pick up ones she found on Craigslist. Hopefully they aren't completely terrible.

Pretty much all the big stuff is done/ready/paid off. We just owe the photographer half the money (what was left). We owe part of the limo yet and of course, the food. We're still getting RSVP's in, got 7 today, but still missing quite a bit, hoping more come next week (I gave a deadline of September 7th).

And to continue with the weight part, I had my first dress fitting the day I found my breast lump, should have just cancelled, but I didn't. I put it on, it fit, zipped, etc. BUT it felt a teensy bit tight across my lower hips/stomach. My worst freaking area that I HATE and all my weight seems to congregate there. :( I pretty much freaked out and was depressed for the whole fitting. I didn't have good underwear on, so I invested in some spanx from Kohl's this past weekend, so hopefully that will help suck a teeny bit in and smooth things out. I would KILL for a tummy tuck and arm/thigh lift. :( If only...

The honeymoon is coming along quite well. We are heading to Italy for 2 weeks and I couldn't be more excited about it. I never thought I would ever make it back, so I am beyond excited to experience it all over again, but with more respect and with my love. :D We have a Traveler's Joy honeymoon registry, which is pretty damn cool. I can choose pre-determined things they have on their site or add my own. I did a few of each and we already got 2 gifts, yay!

Not much else going on in my life, just working and planning this crazy wedding lol. I just want to enjoy myself and have a good time with my closest peeps.

I miss blogging, I need to keep up with this.

Ciao.

Self sabotage

I am so ashamed, depressed, disgusted, etc. etc. It's been a really tough 3-4 weeks. Work has been crazy busy and stressful. I ate really bad for about 2 weeks at work, pizza, cake, chocolates, sodas, chips, bagels, etc. I kept telling myself not to, yet I did, over and over, every single day. Just looked on here and saw I was at 190.2, how sad. :( As of my weigh in yesterday, I'm 194. I was even higher, around 195.6.

I've broken down multiple times in the past week, just getting so overwhelmed lately. I have been doing much better for the past week, so I feel a bit better.

I'm just so upset with myself for letting myself go. I'm the maid of honor in my bestie's wedding this Saturday, so I was worried about that, but thank god I still fit in the dress, with about 1/2-1 in take in too. But then, last Friday my mom took me shopping and it was absolutely horrendous. I was able to order my long line bra for my wedding dress and a strapless bra for the wedding I'm in this week. BUT we went to Ross and Kohl's and could not find shit. I probably tried on like 30-40 items. I got 2 new pairs of work out pants, that's it. I'm like in between a 14 and 16. Grrr!

I'm so frustrated and really depressed, which is so unlike me. I have an appointment on July 5th at 1pm, and I plan on getting part of my fill put back in. He took out 3/4 of a CC, but it was just enough that I can eat a cup or more at a time and I get hungry like 2 hours after, sometimes sooner! Insane!! I want at least 1/4 put back in, just hoping it doesn't cause issues again...*sigh*

Ciao!

Weigh In Day

Weight last week:194.4

Weight Today:190.2

Weight loss this Week: - 4.2 lbs

Weight Loss Total: 79.4 lbs.

 

I have absolutely NO idea how I lost 4.2 lbs, but I'll roll with it. So weird. I am moving a lot more at work, so that would be part of it, but I only made it to the gym 2-3x last week, took a walk last night. I'm just going to go with it and keep up the good eating, chewing, etc. I am still getting stuck a bit and pb'ing sometimes every day, so I'm going to watch it very closely this week. I think it's my impending period, allergies, weather, but not sure. Or just me. :/ I just don't want to screw this up and I was already through a upper gi/endoscopy in March, so I need to work on this myself.

 

Got some new clothes and a new bathing suit (a bikini!!!) on Friday with my mom at Target. All clothes came from the normal size section, NO plus sizes at all, didn't even look. Most were XL from the normal section.  Yay!

Ciao!

Weigh In Day

Weight last week:196

Weight Today:194.4

Weight loss this Week: - 1.6 lbs

Weight Loss Total: 75.2 lbs

 

Yay! Continuing downwards. I'm a bit confused though, eating was not anywhere near perfect last week and I only officially worked out 2 days, so it's weird to me. But it's a huge motivation and I can't wait to see the 180's now!

 

Ciao!

Belated Weigh In Day

Weight last week:196.4

Weight Today:196

Weight loss this Week: - .4 lbs

Weight Loss Total: 73.6 lbs

I forgot to post this on Sunday. I started my part time job at the flea market from 7-2, and then was busy afterwards. 

I just can't wait to keep moving down and down. I know my eating could be better, it's def. not at it's best lately. I have been indulging a bit too much on the sweets side. Today I had my interview for a promotion within and was super nervous, in return, ate a shit ton of tootsie rolls (one of my faves!). Ugh! Then I proceeded to have a piece of snickers cheesecake. I also had my lunch (leftovers from dinner the night before). Blah blah blah. 

I had some of my pain last night from the bile reflux, grrr! It lasted about 2-3 hours, so I skipped dinner and had an atkins shake instead. And ice cream for a snack. 

I also haven't exercised as much as I would have liked this week either, all kinds of crap and interruptions going on. Tomorrow I plan on going hard, hitting up a pyo class at another Y. Friday isn't looking good either, probably going to a happy hour for a guy at work whose last day it is. Grr! I will get my ass out of bed on Saturday for some 9am zumba and then it's off to my bestie's bridal shower! :) 

Ciao!

NSV's

Fitting into some size 14's is pretty amazing.

My size 7 engagement ring and wedding band is now getting sized down to a 5!!! Craziness!!